• On the road of life...There are 'windshields', and there are 'bugs'
  (splat!)
  "Squeegees Wanted"
• "I went into the corner and the back of the car got a little away from me.
  I just kept it wide-open thinking it would correct itself.
  Then I ran out of talent."
  - Emerson Fittapaldi, from the hospital
• Close your eyes and this sentence will disappear.
  - Ron Quill
• Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
  - Ambrose Redmoon
• Have you ever stopped to think and forgot to start again?
• I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day.
  Tomorrow doesn't look good, either.
• "It's pronounced new-kew-lar...nu-CU-lar...nucular."
  - Homer J. Simpson
• The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
• "That's not the point. This is my point..."
• When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. - The Airplane Law
• PCMCIA: People Cannot Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
• "You have to ask yourself: What will matter in 100 years?"
• "No one in particular..... Just me"
• Things that work in theory never work in real life.
• There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
• Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones
• What if you really were stalking a paranoid schizophrenic... Would they know?
• "vi": :map ^V^X^V^B [[!%cb^V^M (macro: beautify the current routine)
• "Es ist eine Sache Volkswagen, Sie würde verstehen nicht!"
• "To do is to be" - Socrates
  "To be is to do" - Descartes
  "Do be do be do" - Sinatra
• While it is true that technology waits for no man; stupidity will always stop to take on new passengers.
• I do not believe in miracles -- I rely on them.
• PSWAG (pis-wag): Pseudo-Scientific Wild Ass Guess
• A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
• Time flies like the wind, but fruit flies like bananas.
• Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.
• I cried because I did not have an office with a door until I met a man who had no cubicle.
  -Dilbert
• Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.
• If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of?
• And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail, Amen.
• Don't ask "Why me?!" when misfortune strikes, unless you also ask "Why me?" when fortune smiles on you.
• I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
• Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
• Knock firmly. I like firm knockers.
• I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
• Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
• There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
• Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If she isn't there the first time you need her, chances are you won't be needing her again.
• Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
• If you don't aim high, you'll never get high.
• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
• There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
• When I pray, coincidences happen.
  When I stop, they don't...
  Archbishop W. Temple
• Depression is probably a very old, ancient survival mechanism.
  While celebrating the killing of a Wooly Mammoth, someone had to say,
  "Hey, don't you think we should be worried about Sabre Tooth Tigers coming
  around?", which was met with a resounding chorus of, "Chill out.
  You always ruin these moments for the rest of us."
• "When the herd turns on you and you're forced to run for it, try to look like you're leading the charge."
  -Lead Cow
• "Men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better off than those who try to do nothing and succeed". -Lloyd James
• When we don't try something for fear of looking bad, we already look bad to ourselves.
• The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep.
  And miles to go before I sleep...
• You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...
  You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
  -Eleanor Roosevelt
• I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
• I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.
  -Edgar Allen Poe
• Sometimes being an adult is exactly what you imagined it would be when you were five: staying up late and eating Lucky Charms for dinner.
• When you have enough clowns, you have a circus.
• The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
  -Helen Keller
• If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving isn't for you.
• A Conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• To err is human. To moo bovine.
• Profanity is the one language that all programmers understand.
  -Anonymous
• The value of a sentence is in the personality which utters it, for nothing new can be said by man or woman."
  -Joseph Conrad
• The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none
  -Thomas Carlyle 1795-1881
• I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
• "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyondmeasure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
  -Marrianne Williamson
• Remember, 50% of people are of below average intelligence
  -Someone's Boss
• If the human brain were simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
• "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
  -Albert Einstein
• This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.

Last updated 21 Sept 99
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